Monday, February 27, 2012

Top 5 movies for kids born around 1988

So Dilly talking about Ren and Stimpy got me thinking about the good ol' days of VHS and the movies I watched over and over again to the point where, because of the fact they were on VHS, I couldn't watch them any more because the tape was warped, broken, or melted by the sun.

The Death of Childhood
So Im going to throw out a list of the best of the best from this era and see if these movies still hold up to my now all grown up self. Heres the rules:
1) No disney, because thats just too universal and the desire to put A Goofy Movie for all 5 spots is so damn strong. 
2) Made before 1995, because by then I was 8 and had discovered things like Jurassic Park and Star Wars and other non kid specific entertainment

So here we go! 

5) Fern Gully!

Hell yeah, everyones favorite early 90s animated film depicting the evils of logging in the rainforest/pro fairy propaganda. The reasons why we all loved this as kids was pretty clear, magic, a Ton Loc lizard and a rapping Robin Williams bat, and to top it all off a really inappropriately sexual villain in the form of a smoke based Tim Curry under the name of HEXXUS! (seriously LISTEN to how sexy this is. Starts about 45 seconds in)

Does it hold up? 
Im really torn on this one. On the one hand there are some really sweet things and nostalgic moments, Ton Loc in general and Hexxus being the most awesome and inexplicably sensual bad guy in a kids movie ever, but this movie really does reek of 1992. Idiot jerk bag with a walkman as our main character, rapping Robin Willams bat, that shit really dates the movie and after the nostalgic haze wears off its kind of annoying. Its worth watching now but don't expect to fall in love all over again. 

4) Ewoks!

Now I'll admit that I obviously had watched the original trilogy before this but I still watched this pre 1995 so it works. This movie kicked ass when I was a kid and I'll be dammed if I didn't want to live on Endor and hang out with Wiket and Wilford Brimily. There were a couple of these movies made and I watched them both about a million times. 

Does it hold up? 
Meh...not in the way you think. They are still fun to watch with the right kind of eyes and the right state of inebriation. First, these movies feel really weird. If it wasn't for Ewoks, there would be nothing that links this to Star Wars. They are like fantasy movies with magic and shit. Second, its hilarious how oddly creepy they are. Wilford Brimley taking a little girl up into space with him, alone. Wilfords pal the cracked out little rabbit with soulless eyes...

We will eat your soul in your sleep
It's all really fun and funny if you can laugh at stuff like that. So yeah, grab some beers and watch the shit out of these movies!

3) The Secret of Nimh!

Oh my god. This movie comes from the school of thought that "we dont give a shit how fucked up this movie is going to make your kids, they are going to watch it and LOVE it." This movie has it all, a really awesome and interesting story line, good writing, great characters, super intelligent rats planning their uprising, demon owls, actual consequences and stakes, moments of real fear and suspense, you know, everything that kids movies are missing these days. 

Does it hold up?
Yes. Yes it does. I dont even want to take the time to explain why it does hold up, I just want you to go out and fucking watch it again. NOW!

2) Transformers the Movie!

Wait what is that? Mired in the veritable swamp of fecal matter and Shia Leshits stuttering you forgot that there was a Transformers movie before Michael Bay dipped is tainted balls in the mix? Yes indeed my friends, this movie happend and it was amazing. Transformers how they were ment to be, animated and fighting a giant planet swallowing Orson Wells in his farewell roll. 

Does it hold up?
Hell the fuck yes! This movie has quite possibly the weirdest and best soundtrack of any movie ever. They didn't even try to match the songs to the scenes, they just threw a bunch of awesome tunes, from Stan Busch 80s pump up jams to Weird Al, and it made the movie enjoyable just in virtue of the soundtrack. The rest of the movie is also really sweet, cool animation, interesting story, great adventure. If you loved the Transformers and have had a hard time holding on to that love through the Michael Bay hurricane, go back and watch this movie. And always remember, You've got the touch, you've got the POOOOWEEEEEER!

1) The Never ending Story!

So if you did not watch this when you were a child I am deeply sorry. This is one of the most amazing children/fantasy movies of all time. There are so many memorable moments and images from this movie that its really on par with Star Wars for me as far as that nostalgic feeling you get when you see the cover again for the first time in awhile or hear a song from the movie. How could it not be on the same level? One of the reasons this movie sticks with people is that it was created before CGI came and dominated/ruined everything. The sets were real, the creatures were actually made and moved through animatronics and puppetering. This fantasy universe felt real and you could easily put your young self into to world, going on adventures right along side of Atreyu and Falkor, a feeling that comes so rarely in the history of film that every movie that can make you feel that is worthy of all the Oscars ever. 

Does it hold up?
Yes. This movie is beautiful and immersive. Even people who have not seen this movie before will love it its that good. From scenes that make you cheer like Bastian chasing the bullies while riding Falkor to the slow and soul crushing death of Artax, Atreyu's horse, this movie will fucking move you. If you have any doubts about watching this movie again now that you are all grown up and responsible I fucking dare you to listen to the opening theme song and not start singing/crying joy tears. 
Do it!

1 comment:

  1. I definitely have to agree with you on the Secret of Nimh. I recently watched that movie and couldn't believe I watched it as a kid. But I was one of those nerd children and read it first to watch the movie afterwards. It's a stellar movie. AND it definitely holds up in it's creepy mousy way.