Friday, January 27, 2012

Which Piece of Shit would you Rather Spend the Day With?

Challenge number 1! George Lucas vs. Michael Bay.

So heres two people that are masters in the art of fucking up amazing things and who generally are dragging down society as a whole. So who would be better to spend the day with?

My vote is Michael bay, 100%

See heres the thing with Lucas. When I picture spending the day with him I see sitting in his house, interior completely covered with green. He would have you stay on a couch while he sits at his computer, changing the environment around you as he sees fit.
"Now Jar-Jar is sitting next to you. Oh boy hes being silly!"
"Now your on Hoth. Boy you look chilly! Better slice open a Ton Ton!

Then he would masturbate and cry because no one loves him. At least he would make it so he would be floating in space surrounded by thousands of light sabers in his computer so he could lessen the pain of his social reject existence.

Michael Bay on the other hand. Oh boy.
You would be roused from sleep by the sound of foot steps running towards your door. You would awake in just enough time to see Bay put his foot through said door, bursting into the room, face dusted with cocaine and tailed by at least 10 blonde models, all with fake tits in the DDD range. He would probably say some garble of recognizable movie lines in an attempt at communication (Drop your cocks and grab your socks because I am the Ayatollah of Rock and Roll-a the Lord Humongous! Welcome to  earth!) But the content doesn't really matter. All that is being communicated is that you are about to get fucked up nuts today.

Before you know it you would be on an air field firing M-16's at departing planes all while the aformentioned models ride flaming motorcylces around you. They too would eventually get lit on fire and Bay would float the notion by you that maybe you guys should tag team one before she dies but while she's still ablaze. The subject would die quickly however because he would see his fleet of monster trucks, all bearing giant dicks on the front bumper, approaching on the horizon. What happens next would probably be a blur due to the fact you have been attempting to go snort for snort with Bay and his mountain of cocaine he keeps on him at all times (as a true gentlemen does) and your body, being less then 80% cocaine, would eventually start to react negatively. Regardless, you would wake up the next day in a different country, blood on your hands and two grenades in your pocket and with at least 10 new STD's. You would find a note from Mr. Bay's secretary thanking you for participating in the days adventures and warning you never to go back to Arizona due to the large number of warrants you had accumulated there yesterday.

Now who knows if these notions of how these men are in their private lives are anywhere close to reality. Maybe George is some kind of creepy sex pervert and has an army of asian boys dressed as Yoda there to fulfill his every desire.

Lucas posing with one of his many rape slaves

Maybe Bay likes to drink tea and read philosophy. The point is that film makers tend to put their personality into their films and based on that Michael bay would be way more fun. Dont believe me? Watch The Rock and The Phantom Menace back to back and tell me which one said "im fucking awesome" to you and which one gave you the creepy vibe that that one weird uncle of yours does. You know, the one you never see except for at christmas who never really talks, just sits there and stares at you. Then when he does talk he says something fucking stupid, so stupid you just want to punch his mouth all the way through his asshole.

More of these IN THE FUTURE!!!!!!!

1 comment:

  1. Oh my god... I haven't laughed that hard in a while.