Tuesday, January 8, 2013

Miami Connection: The greatest B movie ever?

First and foremost, watch the shit out of this.


OK. So that looks like one hell of a time. I was crying tears of manly exuberance and flexing shirtless by the end of that trailer. Sadly, that mood didn't last because I couldn't for the life of me find a copy of it! DAMNIT! I was PISSED. So, I re-focused my chi, remembered the virtue of patience, and I waited. For many moons I sat in a state of near constant readiness for this view-stravagansa, and finally, one day at the local rental place, I got my wish. There it was, in all its majesty...well not quite...DVD instead of VHS but whatever, I'll watch it on its non-intended future format. I put out the call to some tight bros and a gathering was had, and Miami Connection was watched, and this is what I have to say about it.

First and foremost I was kind of shocked by this movie. Not by how bad it was or how ludicrous the plot and events were. No, I was surprised by how mediocre of a B movie fun time this was (initially). I mean, don't get me wrong dear readers. This movie has everything. We are talking rad 80s jams courtesy of Dragon Sound, motorcycle ninjas AND redneck ninjas who, during one scene, spend a minute or so talking to each other with no discernible dialogue until one clearly says "Salami", sweet/awful fight scenes, a dude with a mullet and a dad stash, totally baffling editing and scene selection, a whiney black guy crying for six minutes, even some badass Tae Kwon Do ninja death rage explosions. It also has...

Total Bros

Face to fist style

And this

You know, everything that would make this movie amazing. And it should. But...despite all of this, during the actual experience of this movie, I couldn't help but feel underwhelmed. Sure I laughed, and there were collective exclamations of WHAT THE FUCK? Even so, the laughs were spaced pretty far,  the enthusiasm sometimes kind of forced and afterwords I was kind of just like...meh. I had fun but really, if you were to talk to me right after the movie, I probably would have given it a strong 6. Watch it if you've got nothing else really to do, but nothing to write home about. 

However...days passed, and I began mulling it over in my mind. I began singing "Friends" with those who were present at the viewing like all the time. I thought about how awesome the word salami now sounded. I thought about using martial arts to destroy motorcycle cocaine ninjas. More importantly, I really really wanted to watch it again. I haven't yet, though not for lack of trying. But the desire is burning inside me like a fiery Stan Bush pump up jam. OR better yet, a song about friendship and martial arts sung by a mulleted man and his buddies. I don't know folks. This might either be a miss, or we could be looking at a totally A+ quality movie that hits you differently than your standard shitty movie fair. It hits deep, speaks to your soul, becomes one with your very being, and leaves you wanting more. So, try this movie  out, which may be the result of some Tae Kwan Do buddies, thinking they are great at martial arts who then all formed a band about how great they are and then SHIT the band was so great they made a movie out of the martial arts band. I can't say its the best B movie ever, but its certainly special. I live you with a few choice lyrics for inspiration from Dragon Sound.

Friends for eternity
Loyalty, honesty
We stick together through thick or thin

Friends forever 
We'll be together
Were on top 
Cause we play to win

1 comment:

  1. I concur with your assessment of things. When we were actually watching it, it was just sort of boring with some hilarious moments that were more based out of how awkward the whole movie is than anything, with that hilarity fueled by social commentary. But when I think back on the movie, it is with a very special fondness. It is a movie to bond over, a movie that leaves an impression.

    Loving your reviews, I look forward to your assessment of many movies that I would not have otherwise even noticed were in existence :)